Balancing act

It's hard being a father, a husband and work at the same time. I feel like I'm unable to do any off them properly but I'm trying my damndest!

Calvin is almost three weeks old and has grown not only in weight but also in character. Every day he gains more expressions and just as my exhaustion kicks in he makes a noise or does something so cute that it makes me realize how worth while this time in my life is.

While I am getting to grips with being a poop wiping, baby holding, diaper washing, house cleaning machine with a pacifier as a finger, I am still trying to work out how to support my beautiful wife -- with the baby literally sleeping between us it's a challenge. We're working hard at checking in and making sure we don't lose each other during this crazy transition.

I started work this week and my main project is kicking off at supersonic speed and I'm struggling to keep up with it. I went into the office for 5 hours on Monday & Tuesday and I spent the rest of the week working from home and coffee shops. When at home it's almost impossible not to help look after my two loved ones... ...I'm getting better and balancing it all but I'm pretty sure I need more sleep.

Successes:
Bum in the sun time, strolling in stroller in the hood, grocery shopping, more good nights sleep, continued support and improved burping!

Failures:
The fact that a good night's sleep involves getting up every 2 to 3 hours for an hour, Calvin's second bath and trying to figure out how he fits into the new sling!

Falling in love again

Being home with Calvin and Kelly has been fantastic!!!

The first few days Kelly's mom was here and was incredibly supportive -- she helped with chores, took Calvin when we were most tiered and passed on some of her mothering wisdom to us. Then, like most good things, she had to go home and we all piled in the car for our fist outing... ...to say goodbye to grammy!

We raced to get to the airport bus (keeping to the speed limit IS racing when you have a new born in the car) and made it just in the nick of time. As we parted ways there was tears in all of our eyes. It had been an amazing visit and I saw Kelly and Deb's relationship blossom in the process. On top of that Deb leaving represented the distance we are from both of our families: Illinois, New Zealand and England are all a long way a way... ...some pretty long arms would be needed to hold and comfort our little one and that doesn't seem to be a gene we have (long toes maybe -- aka: Calvin and Kelly).

Kelly and I have since been learning how to do this parenting thing! Learning how to comfort Calvin; keep diapers and the house clean; fit sleep in; and make sure we don't lose each other
in the process. Calvin for his part is learning about this whole outside world thing -- who are these crazy people and why can't I be held all the time?!?

Successes:
3 good nights sleep, feeding, great support, snuggling, keeping the house in order and sling time!

Failures:
3 horrific nights sleep, Calvin's first bath and tummy time on the rug!

We've had lots of great support from our midwife, our friends (who have brought round meals every night this week and from an Ayurvedic Doula (Indian diet expert who doubles as a masseur.. ....mmmm).

The thing about Calvin is he's just too dam cute and Kelly has taken on new layers to me with the power she showed during birth and the compassion she has as a mother. To quote Kelly from the email she sent announcing Calvin:
"We're all doing well and spending a lot of time hibernating and staring at one another and falling in love over and over again".

And with that in mind I'm going to stop writing and spend some time with my family!

Reset button

Day 3 and we decided on his name. We were fairly sure about another name while he was in-utero but on meeting him and spending time with the little guy we both realized it just did not fit. Our baby is a wise old soul and a name we discussed in passing popped into my head and did not leave as it suited him so well -- our baby boy is a Calvin, no doubt about it a Calvin he is. Naming another being comes with a certain amount of responsibility and I hope we didn't make a bad decision... ...when he grows up he's as fond of his name as I am of mine (thanks dad!).

Day 3 also marked another important event -- the day we were discharged from the hospital and told we could go home!!!!! Once we got the news we packed and couldn't get out fast enough. Deb had been staying at our house the last two evenings and came to pick us up. We put Calvin in his car seat walked out of the hospital and breathed a several huge sighs of relief -- Calvin must have felt it too as he slept all the way home.

It was time to press the restart button and begin where we had intended to all along... ...the three of us at home getting to know each other.

Shouting at nurses and crying like a baby

Our baby boy was whisked away from us fairly quickly. He had pooped and inhaled his meconium (first stool which is tar like) during labor and the nurses wanted to clear his little lungs. They put him under a heat lamp, suctioned his lungs prior to weighing him -- at which point I made it clear that Kelly should be able to hold her baby (even if for a moment)... ..."If you can weigh him, she can hold him!" I said with authority that surprised even me.

After Kelly got to hold him for a moment they returned him under the lamp and patted him with a little cup in order to get any remaining meconium from his lungs. While the nurse was doing this I was getting more and more protective and when she was explaining what she was doing to Deb (Kelly's mom) she accidentally hit our little guy on his chin... ..."Can you watch what you are doing!" I said angrily.

They then took him off to the Neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and I followed only to see some young nurses unable to draw blood and repeatedly poking him in the wrist. They hooked him up to an IV and put a little oxygen bubble over his head. The head nurse explained to me that his breathing did not stabilize and that he may have holes in the side of his lungs so needed to be monitored. I updated Kelly on the situation and sent her to rest -- our midwife told us that they were being over cautious and that he would be just fine.

I hung out with him as much as I could only leaving to get a cup of coffee, cry a bunch and wake up Deb and Kelly. Our baby showed no signs of weakening and every time they lowered his oxygen he did just fine. We were allowed o hold him that night and Kelly fed him too... ...an amazing moment in a horrific environment. The next day we stayed by his bedside constantly and the nurses wanted to ween him of the IV but he broke free from it all by himself... ...a low and behold his glucose levels were fine. At this point I was willing to do whatever the nurses said just to be able to get him out of this room.

That evening he was dismissed from the NICU and I broke down again -- the three of us stayed in the same room in the hospital, hardly slept a wink and were happy.

As I think back on those days I realize I showed more emotion than I normally would in a year (or perhaps ever have in my life). Something about becoming a father made me supper protective and vulnerable all at the same time. I went through no physical changes but something biological inside me was triggered. This reluctant father became a proud dad -- a feeling that I hope will never subside.

Childbirth ain't for kids

Nine months later and we had everything ready. We had held two baby showers (one with family in Springfield and another with friends in Boulder); Kelly had a blessing way; we were given and thrifted enough clothes; we had gathered all our birth supplies; a friend organized a food tree for us as to have post birth meals sorted; we purchased cloth diapers; attended birth classes; and we read all that we were going to read about birth (Kelly did most of the reading but I did enough to hold my own in a conversation)... ...I had even caught up on most of my work! All that was missing was da labor and thus da baby.

We tried all the natural induction techniques but alas still no labor. Finally on Thursday the 22nd of January Kelly started to get pretty consistent cramps -- the baby was coming and we went to bed so excited that we hardly slept a wink. In the middle of the night we called Kelly's mom (Deb) who was flying out from Illinois for the birth and she made it door to door in 5 hours (a feet I challenge anyone to beat).

Kelly was getting a lot of strong contractions but the timing was a little random. The contractions lasted through the day and we (Deb, Doris and myself) all tried to support Kelly through what seemed like crazy pain spasms by holding her and encouraging her. By nightfall Elizabeth (our Midwife) arrived and sent everyone but Kelly to bed (she sent Kelly to get some rest after making her relax in the birth tub we had set up).

On the second day Elizabeth and Flame (another midwife) checked Kelly's cervix and there was still no dilation -- in fact it was firmly shut. So with a little jiggling (a nice way of putting it) they were able to force open whatever was blocking it. We hoped that the contractions would now move things along but progress was slow and having only dilated 2cm over the next 6 hours we made a collective decision to go to the hospital.

Our insurance hospital was in Lafayette, a town outside of Boulder, and Kelly, Elizabeth and Deb rode together while I drove the second car -- in tears all the way. We checked into to the hospital and got Kelly an epidural and pitosin which numbed the pain and speeded up the contractions. This was not what we had intended but sadly was what was needed to allow Kelly some time to rest before the pushing begun. The doctor came into the room and told us all that Kelly was now in active labor... ...from her slumber Kelly looked at us and laughed -- having had natural contractions for the last 30 hours she said "this is active labor?!"

By the time Kelly was fully dilated it was midnight and the pushing phase began. She pushed as if it was a competitive event. The doctor (on his rare visits o the room) kept threatening a C-section which only made Kelly more determined. Where exactly she got her energy from for the next 6 hours I'll never know but I have never been so in awe of anybody in my life. We all supported her in what ways we could -- taking turns to encouraging and holding her. Kelly gave everything and more and drew from ancient and modern feminine powers in order to bring our little boy into this world vaginally.

My son was born at 5.40 a.m. on Sunday the 25th of January 2009 at Exempla Good Samaritan in Lafayette, Colorado and I caught him!! I would not change any of the decisions we made and I will never forget the strength and power that Kelly showed.

Birth is a natural process and I will still advocate for home births whenever given the opportunity. I am happy that modern medicine helped us but I am more grateful to our midwife who advocated on our behalf and gave us strength to carry on when all was darkest, I am grateful for Deb and Doris who showed amazing compassion and support but I am most grateful to my beautiful wife Kelly who blew my mind and birthed our son.